Hello Date Guy. I am 20 years old and I have been seeing this 21 year old that im going to school with for about a year. We met at school and he was really nice so we ended up talking to one another. He and I hung out a couple times and he made me wait for 6 months to have sex with him…out of respect. We have been sleeping together for awhile now, after having honest discussion with one another that we would be exclusive and not sleep or see anyone else. He and i have talked about personal things for the entire year now, as well as sharing some intimate thoughts.

The sex is passionate, and it seems as though he cares very much about the act of doing so. He also tells me that he cares about me alot, and seems to be concerned if I’m distant (thinking i might be sleeping with a new guy). We have had discussions also where I have told him that I would like to be more, and he tells me that “he is working on his career (which he wants to open his own business), and that is his first priority and that all distractions need to be second right now. Of course I respect that because I seem to want that space as well right now. He seems to not talk to me for a couple days here and there, and I don’t know if I’m over reacting about that part because I hear that guys just dont value meaningless phone talk as much as females. Please let me know what i should think..thanks

There is a very good chance he doesn’t particularly enjoy talking on the phone with you. If he really is tring to focus on his career and build a business, then he may find that the time he spends talking with you on the phone is time that he could be doing something more productive. Don’t take this personal however, some guys just aren’t good on the phone, period. So don’t take this as an automatic sign that he doesn’t want to date you or is no longer interested in you. Keep the conversation intersting, don’t try to force it, and don’t drag it out.

It’s my guess that he’s probably the one that tries to get off the phone with you first, he’s initiating the end of the conversation. Here’s something you may want to try the next time you talk to him. At the first sign that the conversation is winding down, you (instead of him) immediately end the call on your terms (”there’s a call on the other line” or “you just looked at the clock and realized you are running late and will have to call him back tomorrow”, or whatever excuse you can think of). He’s the one used ending the call, so when you beat him to the punch, you’ll really have him scrating his head because you just took control. This kind of tactic could ultimately get him to spend more time talking to you. See, he’ll probably try to hold the conversation longer because he’ll think that if he lets it slows down that YOU will be the one bored with him. He won’t like that but it will make him want you more.

Dear Date guy..

I was in love with this guy for over a year now .. An I mean true love.. at least from myside!
oneday he said that he can’t be with me.. he even cryed to me on the phone and said : sorry but I can’t do it .. ( afraid of commitment he then confessed..)
I can’t see to get over it .. all his promises . all our plans .. all the love.. every word every touch ..
I can’t stop crying and i can’t have a minute of happiness , I wanna be myself again .. wanna get over it .. how do they do that???
its my first love.. and am 24 years old now

please tell me how to get over it .. how to be happy and normal again?

First off, sorry to hear about your situation. A broken heart is something we all go through at one point or another and is one of the most anguishing experiences we can have. But keep that in mind, that EVERYONE has their heart broken and EVERYONE eventually gets over it. As will you.

In the short term, your best bet first and foremost is to let go of any thoughts you may have of getting back together with this guy. I know it’s easy to want to think that he’ll “come to his senses” but the reality is that the longer you hold on to that hope, the longer and stronger you will hurt. So immediately accept the reality of the situation and know that YOU will be moving on.

Second, keep in mind that for the most part every day will get a tad bit easier. You may have your set backs here and there, but overall the more time that passes the better off you’ll be. The saying “time heals all wounds” actually holds true as one day you will find out.

Third, don’t take it personal. I’ve broken up with tons of girls and most of them had absolutely nothing wrong with them. At the end of the day, I just wasn’t ready to be fully committed and unfortunately I broke things off with many outstanding ladies. I look back at most of them now and have nothing but the utmost respect for them. They weren’t the ones “broken,” I was.

Forth, use this time to challenge yourself, rebuild yourself. Here is the perfect opportunity to make yourself a better person than you were while you were dating this guy.

Lastly, have faith. Know that things happen for a reason. Yes, it’s so easy to say and so hard to believe in times like these but trust me, it’s true. You may have thought that this guy was the perfect person for you, forever. But there will come a day that someone better suited for you will come into your life and make you even happier than you were before. Pretty much every girl that I dumped shortly moved on and ended up with guys who really know how to take care of them and showed them the love that I ultimately did not. At the end of the day, they were the ones who ended up better off than I. There I was, single for years and all of my ex’s were completely happy in healthy relationships. I actually was a bit jealous.

So know that you will get over this hurt, there is no doubt. You’ll have to ride out the pain, there is no doubt. But one day, just like all of us have, you’ll look back and it will be a distant memory. You’ll actually forget what the hurt felt like.

My biggest advice, just take it day by day. Every day that passes is a small victory.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Dear Date Guy,

I am in a situation I don’t want to be in. I have been seeing Zack for four years we were high school sweethearts and now we have an 8 month baby. We had her very young we are both 19. Well we have dated and broken up a bunch of times and I really do love him. Problem is he isn’t being honest with me he lies all the time and I have a feeling he is cheating. I honestly don’t know what to do do I hold on or just let him go. I don’t know if he is even interested in our daughter. I hope you can tell me what to do cause he wont be honest with me and tell me whats going on. How do I get him to be honest with me?

-A.S.

Dear A.S.,

First I would encourage you to read some advice I gave to another girl who was in a similar situation, a baby and a boyfriend not completely committed to the relationship. You can check that out HERE.

Like my advice to the other girl, you need to put your baby first before anyone else. You brought this being into the world and you need to provide the absolute healthiest environment you can. Ok, I’ll get off of my soap box now.

Your guy is young, very young. Girls are better suited to have children earlier than guys. Simply put, we’re just immature. And your boyfriend is no exception. He’s obviously not ready to be in a fully committed relationship with you. If he was, you wouldn’t feel like he is lying and cheating. So don’t overlook that.

So what to do? Give this guy some space. You need to stop expecting him to act like your boyfriend as that is only adding stress and will likely do nothing more than push him away. Instead, treat him like the father of your baby and only expect him to be committed to that. Things may change down the road, but right now you need to shift gears and put your child first and focus on this guy as a father and not a significant other.

Best of luck,

Date Guy

Hello Date Guy,
I met this guy online about 9 months ago. As soon as we started to talk (via email and then phone), we clicked right away. Several months later and after countless days of conversation, we finally met each other. Although the meeting was brief, we enjoyed our time together and agreed to see each other again. About a month later, we met and spent the weekend together. I had a wonderful time getting to know him more (and I thought that he did too). After we went our separate ways that weekend, the phone calls went from every day to like once or twice a week. He claims that he was working, but he was making time to talk to me before while working. Christmas and New Years have gone by and we have had some conversations, even trying to make plans to see each other again.
Last week, I tried calling him several times and kept getting what I felt was the brush off. I got a text from him saying that he was busy, but still missing me. I waited a few days after that and called him. Got his voicemail and left him a message just saying that I really missed talking to him and that I wouldn’t continue to call because he hadn’t responded to me and I didnt want to feel like I was bothering him. I told him that if he wanted to talk, he could call me. I was really nice about it, but I haven’t heard anything from him. It’s been 3 days and nothing. No calls or texts from him. Am I over reacting? Do you think he’ll call or have I just gotten the brush off? I guess I really wouldn’t care, but I am really into him…

Thanks,
K.C.

Dear K.C.,
Even though I never really had any trouble finding girls to date, I did dabble into the world of online dating for a bit. One major thing I learned during my online dating stint is that online attraction and offline attraction are two different beasts. For a guy, good conversation is important and it’s easy to do in the age of online. However, once that relationship is forced to live in the offline/real world things can change quickly.

So what happened here? My instincts and personal experience lead me to believe that once this guy met you he simply didn’t dig you. Your online presentation didn’t met your offline expectations. This could have been a couple of things, separately or together. One, he probably didn’t think you were as cute in person as you are in your photo. Most guys just can’t get past that. Or maybe your sense of humor wasn’t the same. It’s very easy to be witty over email because you have time to craft your responses, but real time is a different story.

Regardless of they “why”, the reality is that this guy isn’t into you like you are into him. I’d advise that you don’t abandon the online dating world, but try to met the guy in person as quickly as possible. I know too many people who waste a lot of time getting to know someone online all to be disappointed once the finally go out on a date. Email a couple of times, have a phone conversation, then just met up!

Cheers,

Date Guy

I am 21 years old and i have been kind of seeing this guy for about month and a half. When we met we clicked right away and found out that we had a lot in common. Things have been ok so far, he calls when he says that he will, texts me back when i text him, and when i do stay at his house he makes me breakfast in bed. Lately he hasn’t been calling me as much and not really texting me back. i am really starting to like him a lot and i don’t know where me and him stand. Like i think that he likes me, but when i do sleep at his house we are sleeping in the same bed but not close to each other. Like he is on one side of the bed and i am on the other and when i try to hold his hand he isn’t feeling it. I would like to start a relationship with him but i am on the fence about it because i don’t want to waste my time trying to pursue something with someone that isn’t into me. So please let me know what you think.

Thanks for listening,

EJ

Hi EJ,

I’m going to dive right in here with some guy advice. His distance in the sac is the big red flag I’m seeing. This is likely a sign that this guy is feeling guilty for not caring for you as much as you are caring for him. You two are dating and the sex is obviously consensual so he doesn’t have to feel guilty about that aspect of your relationship. However, for a guy “cuddling” (in one form or another) is not a casual activity and can actually be more intimate for him.

Unlike sex, when a guy cuddles with a girl he knows that he is giving her a clear-cut signal that he cares for her a lot. He knows that there is no other way for her to interpret this action. So for him right now he would feel like a fraud for being close to you in bed (ie, holding hands, spooning, etc.) because he knows that you’ll make the assumption that he really likes you.

Unless he changes this behavior (on his own), it’s probably a good idea to move on to someone who wants to hold you throughout the night and is ready for a relationship.

Cheers,

The Date Guy