Archive for September, 2007.

Recommended Reading

Although I find her voice pretty annoying, I do listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio once in a while. While I don’t agree with her on a lot of subjects, she does tend to offer worthwhile advice for women when it comes to relationships with men. What I really like about Dr. Laura is that she’s not afraid to tell it how it is and give women cold hard feedback. And that’s what a lot of you girls need when it comes to dating advice.

Although this book isn’t all about dating advice perse, it is advice about life that will help you in your dating and relationship endevours. Click the link below to get more information about the book. Read it, learn it, live it. Good luck ladies!

Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives

Posted by admin in Book Reviews

Five Signs a Guy Might Be Cheating

Quite often a guy shows obvious signs of shady behavior, yet it goes unnoticed by the girl.  If not unnoticed, ignored and both are only going to bring you head and heart ache in the long run.  So here’s some quick and easy dating advice.  Read the list below and familiarize yourself with some of the tell-tale signs that a guy might be cheating. 

  1. Acting distant.  If he’s calling less frequently or has cancelled on plans repeatedly, he may be trying to pull away from you and getting close to someone else.
  2. Unavailability.  If you try to call your guy and no one–not even his family or best friends–can get a hold of him, you’ve got to ask yourself where’s he hiding out and why?  This may not be a red flag when you first start dating, but if this happens later in the relationship it’s likely a sign, a bad sign.
  3. Suddenly insensitivity.   He he totally forgets plans and then shrugs it off.  He says something rude and doesn’t apologize.  He may not be considering your feelings because he’s thinking about another girl or is even hoping you get mad enough to want to leave him (relieving him of any guilt or difficulty he may have by dumping you).
  4. Change in interests and/or looks.  If he’s developed a new taste in music, clothes, or activities it may be to impress or bond with another girl.  This is always a great excuse when it comes break-up time as he’ll tell you, “we just don’t have that much in common anymore.”
  5. Less time with you.  This sounds pretty obviously but too often gets overlooked, especially after dating for a while.  Has he stopped inviting you to join him in his favorite activities or at his usual hangouts?  If you’re not going with him, who is?

This is some simple dating advice you ladies need to take to heart.  Til next time…

-The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Cheating

When “Fishing” Doesn’t Mean Fishing

Dear Date Guy,

i have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year. we have had some difficulties, and it seems our arguments are never resolved..always the same thing coming back up. he has been more distant lately (not coming home when he says he will, spending more time with friends etc.) i did the wrong thing and went thru his phone a couple weeks ago. i found a text to his best friend that said how there were all these hot girls in one of these towns he works in…and the next one said, “god how i love girls, and oh how i hate my girlfriend”. i did confront him with this, apologizing for looking thru his phone and he denied what he wrote saying it was a joke and that i didn’t know what im talking about and thats what i get for going thru his phone. sooo….the other day i wnet thru again and he was working in the same town and i found another message to his same frined that said, “i don’t mean to sound like a broken record but there is so much #### out here…my heads getting so big with the amount of girls i have been talking to. we must come out here labor day weekend..for fishing of course.” now i didnt tell him i saw all this but i am so irrate and hurt and feel so disrespected. we had this same friend over for dinner the other nite and you can imagine how #### i felt thinking that my boyfriend sends him all these messages about other women. his friend must think i’m an idiot. i am considereing moving out cuz the issues just seem to be getting worse as now it looks as though he is actually talking to and really enjoying being around other women. what should i do?? how can i let him know i know without blowing myself up? this weekends going to suck when he goes with is friends cuz he will tell me hes fishing but i know the real story…anyone…please…advice…

-Grace from Albany, NY

Dear Grace,

Is this a joke? First off, the fact that your boyfriend raised enough suspicion that it caused you to snoop is red flag number one. The fact that you “caught” him twice is a double red flag. It appears that you lack a spine. Unfortunately for you he probably sees this and it is something that is a turn off to him. It’s hard for a guy to respect a girl that he is dating if he knows he can talk his way out of any trouble. Knowing that you are worried about what his friend thinks of you is another sign that you are lacking self confidence. You, read that again, you should be your number one priority. I think it’s obvious that this is not a health relationship and is ultimately going nowhere fast.

You need to move out, asap. Why are you worried about having to tell him that you read his text messages again? In reality you owe his no explanation, period. While he’s fishing for “snapper,” you need to start packing. Tell him he’s mistreated you and taken you for granted. If this guy really does want to be with you, and only you, your best bet is to be gone and show him what it would be like if you weren’t around. This is your only saving grace, Grace.

-The Date Guy

But I’m Really Not a Drunk Slut!

Dear Date Guy,

Need advice, please Help!!! I’ve had the biggest crush on my coworker and have wanted to date him for months now but was always too shy to talk to him. He finally asked me for my number and came to my house. I was so excited, unfortunately we started drinking and I got REALLY drunk. My roomate told me I was bumping into walls, falling down spilling my drink and giving him a lap dance. She said I was crawling all over him. I dont remember much of the night but I know we ended up having sex. This was the first night that I hung out with him. So not only did I make an ass out of myself by acting extremely stupid, I also looked like a hoe by sleeping with him the first night. And it gets worse… I didnt remember him telling me he was leaving so I called and cursed him out for leaving without saying bye (which he did) and also I had gotten my period after he left and thinking I had it while we slept together I told him. He didnt even know. I sent him a text the next day to which he replied “no need to feel bad” but when I text him the next day to apologize again (because I couldnt stop feeling embarrassed) He never wrote me back. I really liked him a lot and I messed up my chances. Is there anything I can do at this point to redeem myself? Also he is only 20, I’m 25 so I dont want him to feel I’m pressuring him for anything. I really want to date him, I just feel like a fool now. Help!!!

Janice from Tampa Bay, FL

Dear Janice,

Sorry to break it to you, but your reputation has been tarnished with this guy. At this point all you can do is go in for a little damage control and not worry so much about getting him to date you. Here’s a pretty basic tip you girls tend to forget, don’t sleep with the guy on the first date if you want to have a serious relationship with him.

OK, now back to your problems. To begin with, you kind of set yourself up for this. For a guy, going over to a girls house and having some drinks is ideal. It doen’t cost anything, it’s comfortable, and chances of sex are good. If you really wanted to date this guy, you should have met on neutral territory and saved the home date for a later time. This would have established that you do liked him but were not going to put out on the first night.

You did the correct thing by apologizing right way. Unfortunately that probably didn’t change his opinion of you very much. He may think that you did indeed made a mistake, but that it likely wasn’t the first time you got sloppy drunk and spread your legs for a guy. You can tell him that you really do like him and that what you did was a mistake. You’d like to date him if he would be willing to take it a bit slower.

-The Date Guy

15 Miles Apart, A Million Miles Away

Dear Date Guy,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. He is always gone and hardly has any time to call me or hang out. He told me when we just started this relationship that he would be busy and wouldn’t have a lot of time for me. We both knew it would be hard to keep in touch and talk at all even though the college I am going to is 15 miles away from him. His mom took away his phone b/c she thought that he called me too much so we only get to talk on the phone once a week, but lately, he doesn’t call me at all. The last time he called me was 2 weeks ago, and we haven’t hung out for more than a month. I haven’t talked to him in so long! I leave texts saying when I will be in his town so we can maybe get together, but they are left unanswered. I don’t really know what I am asking, i just want another person’s opinion. Are we over? Should I write him a letter? I wrote him a note once and he didn’t like the fact that I wrote out my feelings instead of face to face. What advice do you have for me Date Guy?

-Janice from Portland, Oregon

Dear Janice

I’m sorry to break the news to you, you seem sweet with a big heart, but in reality he’s on to someone new.

Take youself out of the equation and look at what you wrote from a 3rd person perspective:
- “lately he doesn’t call me at all”
- “we haven’t hung out for more than a month”
- “I text him when I’m in town but they go unanswered”

Stop telling yourself what you want to hear and instead focus on the reality of the situation. If he was serious and wanted to be your boyfriend, he would act like a boyfriend. If he loved you, he’d be going out if his way to spend time with you. Even if he didn’t have a car, a guy in love would ride a bike 15 miles to see his girl. And his mom took away his phone? Lame excuse, I can’t believe you believe it. If he wanted to talk to you, he’d do whatever it took, even if it meant borrowing a friend’s phone. How about email? Does this loser not have access to the Internet? There is this place called a library and they offer free Internet access.

So, to answer your questions:
“Are we over?” Yes.
“Should I write him a letter?” No, he didn’t appreciate it before, he won’t appreciate it now.

The excuse of not liking the letter because you wrote out your feelings instead of face to face is an excuse. All it did was probably deflect or put off him having to address the things you wrote about. For a guy, a good offense is a great defense. See, you got hung up on his excuse instead of the real issue, your feelings.

Save your self respect. Get out now. Don’t beat yourself up over it, realize it was an issue with HIM, not you. You’re in college? Now is the time in your life when you should be living it up, meeting new people, a moving on to a new phase of life.

-The Date Guy