Hey, it happens to the best of you.  You know, when that “cool” guy who always invites you out for happy hour suddenly stops calling (or doesn’t return your calls).  You had some high hopes that this guy would could be “the one” or at least have some long-term relationship potential and now he’s completely blown you off.  As a guy who gets dumped, you quickly move on, hit the bars and bring some girl back to your pad.  You may sacrifice looks for willingness, but in the end a quick hit will help you get over being rejected by some other girl.  Our esteem is brought back, instantly.

For girls, the process is usually much deeper and longer.  Immediately hooking up with another guy may bring some temporary satisfaction, but you’ll still be asking yourself, “why did he break up with me, I just don’t understand, what did I do.” I stumbled across some advice written by a female that might offer you some comfort.  I don’t agree with all of this stuff so I’ll add some commentary of my own.

Breakup Food
Also known as comfort food, make sure you have whatever it is that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside readily available. Ice cream, a favorite bottle of wine, some potato chips or macaroni and cheese – whatever works for you that does not remind you of the ex. Breakup food is not supposed to be a staple in your life for more than a week or so. But for these first couple of days, there is no harm in treating yourself to whatever makes you feel great. (Just don’t stuff your face for too long. Putting on some lbs isn’t going to help you get more dates)

Breakup Clothing
You are probably already wearing your comfort clothes, such as a well-worn t-shit and jeans or flannel pajamas. What you will need to plan for is when you leave the house: for work, to get groceries or to pay the bills. Find the easiest, most put together outfit you have that cleans well and slips on easily. This will be your outside wardrobe for this first stage. For men, try a pair of jeans that fit well a top and baseball cap. For women, a slip-on dress is an excellent idea. Sunglasses work as well, especially if you are trying to cover up swollen eyes from crying. (Sunglasses, I agree with that)

Breakup Journal
Whether it is for reflection at a later date or merely as a part of a burning ritual later on down the road, a journal is an essential comfort for the recently broken up. It could be as simple as a dollar store notepad or several pieces of paper stapled together, or as intricate as a handmade, leather-bound piece of art. (I know, you have to express your feelings. Just don’t get too caught up in it. The more you focus on the guy/situation, the longer it will take you to move on mentally)

Breakup Books
For those not quite ready to hit a counselors office, reading a breakup book from an expert is the next best thing. Whether it is tongue-in-cheek, how-to or supportive, there are a myriad of self-help books available for every breakup situation today, many of which are available at your library if you are not enthused about displaying a breakup book in your home permanently. Just don’t do it at your local Barnes and Noble or Starbucks)

My main advice for the recently dumped (female) is to not focus so much on the “why” you got dumped. This will consume far too much energy, you’ll probably never figure it out, and in the end won’t make you feel any better. Use the downtime to focus on yourself. Realize that it was his loss/problem, don’t take it personally, and get back out there and start dating.

This stuff I’m about to give you girls is golden.  There are plenty of books and emails floating out there by self-proclaimed “players” and “pick-up artist” who are giving advice to guys on how to pick you girls up.  Most of these writers are trying to help guys become cocky and confident in order to increase their chances of getting you into bed.  They aren’t giving dating advice or advice on long-term relationships, they are to-the-point with their objective, closing the deal.  So here is some of the advice guys are receiving these days and actions you may recognize with some of the players you’re meeting at the bars or at school.  Here is some advice guys have been given regarding Buying Things for Women (AKA getting laid without spending any money):

I can remember when I used to think that I needed to always take women out, buy them dinner, and pay for whatever I could think of to get women’s attention. It was really a horrible feeling. The worst part was that the more nice things I did for women when I first met them, the more apprehensive and “standoffish” they seemed to act. It was almost as if they interpreted my actions as ME TRYING TOO HARD, and they instinctively played “hard to get” in response.

The question of “Should I pay for dinner?” is as old as dirt. So let me answer it with one of my typical multi-part answers. And the first part of my answer is going to be
another question to YOU…

WHY WOULD YOU PAY FOR A WOMAN’S DINNER? And for that matter, why would you buy gifts and do favors for a woman that you just met and don’t know?

IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMETHING. And guess what? Attractive women are VERY perceptive. They can usually size a guy up in a matter of SECONDS.

She KNOWS what’s on your mind. And she’s going to take all the clues you give her to decide how much you like her… and how much of a WUSS you are as well.

Now I’m going to throw you a real curve ball…I have friends who are very good with women that take women to NICE dinners all the time. I’m talking two hundred PLUS dollars for dinner and drinks ALONE. I also have friends who almost NEVER take women out for so much as a cup of coffee… yet they have more women than they can handle.

Is this possible? Are the guys who are buying dinner actually SUCCESSFUL at bribing women with food?

Or do both techniques work? Read the rest of this entry »

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