Archive for January, 2008.

Raise The Baby, Not The Father

Dear Date Guy,

I am in a situation I don’t want to be in. I have been seeing Zack for four years we were high school sweethearts and now we have an 8 month baby. We had her very young we are both 19. Well we have dated and broken up a bunch of times and I really do love him. Problem is he isn’t being honest with me he lies all the time and I have a feeling he is cheating. I honestly don’t know what to do do I hold on or just let him go. I don’t know if he is even interested in our daughter. I hope you can tell me what to do cause he wont be honest with me and tell me whats going on. How do I get him to be honest with me?

-A.S.

Dear A.S.,

First I would encourage you to read some advice I gave to another girl who was in a similar situation, a baby and a boyfriend not completely committed to the relationship. You can check that out HERE.

Like my advice to the other girl, you need to put your baby first before anyone else. You brought this being into the world and you need to provide the absolute healthiest environment you can. Ok, I’ll get off of my soap box now.

Your guy is young, very young. Girls are better suited to have children earlier than guys. Simply put, we’re just immature. And your boyfriend is no exception. He’s obviously not ready to be in a fully committed relationship with you. If he was, you wouldn’t feel like he is lying and cheating. So don’t overlook that.

So what to do? Give this guy some space. You need to stop expecting him to act like your boyfriend as that is only adding stress and will likely do nothing more than push him away. Instead, treat him like the father of your baby and only expect him to be committed to that. Things may change down the road, but right now you need to shift gears and put your child first and focus on this guy as a father and not a significant other.

Best of luck,

Date Guy

Posted by admin in Cheating, Family

Online Attraction Doesn’t Equal Offline Attraction

Hello Date Guy,
I met this guy online about 9 months ago. As soon as we started to talk (via email and then phone), we clicked right away. Several months later and after countless days of conversation, we finally met each other. Although the meeting was brief, we enjoyed our time together and agreed to see each other again. About a month later, we met and spent the weekend together. I had a wonderful time getting to know him more (and I thought that he did too). After we went our separate ways that weekend, the phone calls went from every day to like once or twice a week. He claims that he was working, but he was making time to talk to me before while working. Christmas and New Years have gone by and we have had some conversations, even trying to make plans to see each other again.
Last week, I tried calling him several times and kept getting what I felt was the brush off. I got a text from him saying that he was busy, but still missing me. I waited a few days after that and called him. Got his voicemail and left him a message just saying that I really missed talking to him and that I wouldn’t continue to call because he hadn’t responded to me and I didnt want to feel like I was bothering him. I told him that if he wanted to talk, he could call me. I was really nice about it, but I haven’t heard anything from him. It’s been 3 days and nothing. No calls or texts from him. Am I over reacting? Do you think he’ll call or have I just gotten the brush off? I guess I really wouldn’t care, but I am really into him…

Thanks,
K.C.

Dear K.C.,
Even though I never really had any trouble finding girls to date, I did dabble into the world of online dating for a bit. One major thing I learned during my online dating stint is that online attraction and offline attraction are two different beasts. For a guy, good conversation is important and it’s easy to do in the age of online. However, once that relationship is forced to live in the offline/real world things can change quickly.

So what happened here? My instincts and personal experience lead me to believe that once this guy met you he simply didn’t dig you. Your online presentation didn’t met your offline expectations. This could have been a couple of things, separately or together. One, he probably didn’t think you were as cute in person as you are in your photo. Most guys just can’t get past that. Or maybe your sense of humor wasn’t the same. It’s very easy to be witty over email because you have time to craft your responses, but real time is a different story.

Regardless of they “why”, the reality is that this guy isn’t into you like you are into him. I’d advise that you don’t abandon the online dating world, but try to met the guy in person as quickly as possible. I know too many people who waste a lot of time getting to know someone online all to be disappointed once the finally go out on a date. Email a couple of times, have a phone conversation, then just met up!

Cheers,

Date Guy

Posted by admin in Does He Like Me?, Internet

He’s Acting Distant in Bed

I am 21 years old and i have been kind of seeing this guy for about month and a half. When we met we clicked right away and found out that we had a lot in common. Things have been ok so far, he calls when he says that he will, texts me back when i text him, and when i do stay at his house he makes me breakfast in bed. Lately he hasn’t been calling me as much and not really texting me back. i am really starting to like him a lot and i don’t know where me and him stand. Like i think that he likes me, but when i do sleep at his house we are sleeping in the same bed but not close to each other. Like he is on one side of the bed and i am on the other and when i try to hold his hand he isn’t feeling it. I would like to start a relationship with him but i am on the fence about it because i don’t want to waste my time trying to pursue something with someone that isn’t into me. So please let me know what you think.

Thanks for listening,

EJ

Hi EJ,

I’m going to dive right in here with some guy advice. His distance in the sac is the big red flag I’m seeing. This is likely a sign that this guy is feeling guilty for not caring for you as much as you are caring for him. You two are dating and the sex is obviously consensual so he doesn’t have to feel guilty about that aspect of your relationship. However, for a guy “cuddling” (in one form or another) is not a casual activity and can actually be more intimate for him.

Unlike sex, when a guy cuddles with a girl he knows that he is giving her a clear-cut signal that he cares for her a lot. He knows that there is no other way for her to interpret this action. So for him right now he would feel like a fraud for being close to you in bed (ie, holding hands, spooning, etc.) because he knows that you’ll make the assumption that he really likes you.

Unless he changes this behavior (on his own), it’s probably a good idea to move on to someone who wants to hold you throughout the night and is ready for a relationship.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Does He Like Me?

What is My Relationship Label?

Hi,

Im 25 yrs old and met this guy at a bar that I go to often, back in September. We liked each other right off the bat. We would text each other during the week and only see each other after the bar on the weekend. I started liking him more and more all the time. Well around the end of November I think he realized this and wrote me a text and told me that he wasnt sure if we could hang out because he didnt want to hurt anyones feelings and that he still had feelings for his ex. Well I got a little angry, but appreciated his honesty. Well that lasted all of one day, because after he saw that he hurt me he began calling and asking me over. So I went and said I wont expect anything this time, just some casual sex with a friend.
Well this has risen over the past month and a half to me being at his house up to five times a week. He cooks me dinner, I cook him dinner, he has began calling me ‘honey’ which I love, and we just hang out, talk and have a blast, mostly followed by sex, but not always. I think he is liking me more and more but I dont want to ask for a label, because im afraid of disappointment.

So my question is, what is this relationship? Is it ‘buddies’? Does he like me? or am I reading too much into it, or am I asking for too much?

Thanks,
RB

Dear RB,

Oh you girls are so silly and so predictable. “I’m OK with having sex and just being friends.” I’ve heard that one a few times in my day and never once did the girl not get attached and want a relationship that was more than just F-buddies. And you my dear are no different.

So what is this relationship you have? Well it’s a guy’s dream relationship. He puts in zero work but still receives a paycheck. You go over to his house, you two cook food, and usually follow up with some sex. How great is that? He doesn’t have to leave his house, doesn’t have to take you out for a nice dinner, and he usually gets to sleep with you. Score for him.

All that said, he may still like you and like you very much. If you are truly spending 5 days a week together then he is likely not seeing other girls. However, his last girl may have been a royal pain in the ass/high maintenance and with you he is just simply enjoying the casualness of what you have.

You made a comment that stands out to me. You said, “am I asking for too much?” Shouldn’t the real question be, “am I receiving enough?”

Moving on. Two ways you can find out what he thinks your relationship is. First one is the least time consuming and easiest. ASK! You obviously want a relationship that is more than just casual sex. You want this guys as your boyfriend. Why waste your time dating someone who isn’t ready or willing to give you what you truly want? You don’t have to get all sappy or too demanding. Simply say to him, “I have to admit that I’ve started to develop some real feelings for you and would like this to be something that is more than just friends.” You should have no shame in asking that. In fact, being straightforward is a sign of confidence and high self esteem. If he then tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship or not over his ex, then you have your answer. He simply thinks of your arrangement as “friends with benefits.”

The other option is to simply withhold the sex. Tell him that you are really enjoying your friendship and that without being boyfriend/girlfriend sex doesn’t seem appropriate anymore (just don’t stop putting out without saying something. This will only confuse and piss him off. We aren’t mind readers). If you do this for just a couple of weeks one of two things will happen. One is that he’ll start to phase you out because he isn’t getting any action and you’ll then know that you were never more than a F-buddy. However, if he does want a serious relationship you should see him putting more effort into the relationship because he’ll know that in order to keep you around that he’ll have to step it up. It will come clear to you that he feels the same way you do by his actions.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

15 Year Old Guys are Very, Very Horny

Date Guy,

Ok, so I know I am 15, but i really need advice from a guys perspective. If you don’t reply to this I understand. I had this boyfriend last year, we went out, broke up, went out then broke up again. I still love him (he is my first love) and he still likes me but we both arent good in relationships because we have flirtatious personalities and being so young we don’t like to be tied down with relationships. We have been talking, and everything, we are very close, and he said he wants to lose his virginity to me because he cares about me and he’ll always be here for me, and I want to lose mine to him too, but I am afraid hes a guy and is just saying what I want to hear.
He likes alot of girls, and from what I have heard he has tried to get into a couple girls pants and I just want to believe I am different, but from your perspective. Do you think he is just saying what I want to hear?

-P.W.

Dear P.W.,

I’ll just jump in here. Yes, he’s telling you what you want to hear. It’s hard for girls to fathom just how amazingly horny guys are at 15 years old and what they will do to get some action. The thought of girls and sex cross a guy’s mind at least once a minute, every minute of the day. Chances are that if another girl told him that she wanted to lose her virginity to him he would tell her the same thing he told you.

So do you or don’t you give it up? Ask yourself this, if you slept with him this weekend and next weekend he sleeps with (and you find out) another girl how will you feel? Will you look back in regret years later?

If he’s trying to get into other girls’ panties, he’ll probably be there soon enough, especially if word spreads that he slept with you. Once a guy gets that first sexual experience under his belt (no pun intended) his confidence grows and so will his opportunities for more sex.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Sex

The Date Guy is Back

Well my European adventure has come to an end and it was amazing.

Fantastic food, sights, and people. I can’t wait for next year’s trip! However, it’s back to reality for now. I received a lot of emails while I was away and will try to catch up and offer as much dating advice as possible in the next couple of days.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Uncategorized