Dear Date Guy,

I’ve known my boyfriend for many years. We have been talking about getting married soon, I’m 37. I just found out he put an adult personal ad on a website and didn’t tell me about it. He didn’t pay for it so couldn’t contact anyone but I’m still upset about it. I confronted him and he is sorry but said he could have paid for the site and actually have met the girls but didn’t. What should I do? Thanks!

-Deb

Dear Deb,

First off, you’re letting your boyfriend get off the hook far too easily. As you wrote, “[he] said he could have paid for the site and actually have met the girls but didn’t.” Here is an analogy for you. You get pulled over by the police because you are driving while drunk. You tell the officer, “I might be drunk and I’m sorry, but if I were really drunk I would have gotten into an accident.” Now do you think that officer would let you go? Of course not. Your boyfriend’s defense is ridiculous.

Second, he’s surfing the adult personals for only one reason, sex (either real sex or just the fantasy of sex). The worse case scenario is that he’s proactively looking to have sex with someone besides you. The other option is that he’s getting off looking at girls that he “could” have sex with. For a guy, just “browsing” these sites can be exciting as it leads to fantasy. This is stuff he can be putting into his “spank bank*”. So either way, it’s not good for a relationship, especially if you are considering marrying this man.

My advice is that you confront him and push him on this issue right away. Although you didn’t mention any specifics about your sex life, it is obvious that there is something missing for him. Maybe it’s a lack of frequency, or a loss of attraction, or even his desire to engage in acts that you might consider too kinky. Regardless, you need to find out from him exactly what is unsatisfactory in your love life. And if he were 100% satisfied with you in the sack, then wouldn’t it be obvious that he wouldn’t want to look elsewhere now would he?

-The Date Guy

*A sexual memory or thought that a guy stores in his mind and recalls later to excite him during masturbatory or sexual activities


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Posted by admin in Cheating