Dating advice for issues that involve Cheating

Raise The Baby, Not The Father

Dear Date Guy,

I am in a situation I don’t want to be in. I have been seeing Zack for four years we were high school sweethearts and now we have an 8 month baby. We had her very young we are both 19. Well we have dated and broken up a bunch of times and I really do love him. Problem is he isn’t being honest with me he lies all the time and I have a feeling he is cheating. I honestly don’t know what to do do I hold on or just let him go. I don’t know if he is even interested in our daughter. I hope you can tell me what to do cause he wont be honest with me and tell me whats going on. How do I get him to be honest with me?


Dear A.S.,

First I would encourage you to read some advice I gave to another girl who was in a similar situation, a baby and a boyfriend not completely committed to the relationship. You can check that out HERE.

Like my advice to the other girl, you need to put your baby first before anyone else. You brought this being into the world and you need to provide the absolute healthiest environment you can. Ok, I’ll get off of my soap box now.

Your guy is young, very young. Girls are better suited to have children earlier than guys. Simply put, we’re just immature. And your boyfriend is no exception. He’s obviously not ready to be in a fully committed relationship with you. If he was, you wouldn’t feel like he is lying and cheating. So don’t overlook that.

So what to do? Give this guy some space. You need to stop expecting him to act like your boyfriend as that is only adding stress and will likely do nothing more than push him away. Instead, treat him like the father of your baby and only expect him to be committed to that. Things may change down the road, but right now you need to shift gears and put your child first and focus on this guy as a father and not a significant other.

Best of luck,

Date Guy

Posted by admin in Cheating, Family

Nasty Text Messages from “Just a Friend”?

Dear Date Guy,

I really hope you can help resolve my suspicions. . .me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and we have decided to move in together everything has been going good he has not given me one reason to suspect he is cheating except until I found numerous text messages in his phone. . .I couldnt read them all because on his way to work he realized he left his phone and drove back home to get it; anywho the messages that I did read were sent by one of his female co-workers and ranged from “do you think im flirtatious”, “you need to come over while my baby is still asleep” and describing the sexual things she could do to him. when i confronted him he said it was nothing and that nothing happened, he has only been employed at his current job for about 1 and a half months, for some reason I dont believe that this is just a friendly, joking relationship as he makes it to be because when I asked to speak with the young lady he refused to give me her number because he said everyone at his job would know about it. . .but if its just a friendship why would all his co-workers know about it- – -very frustrated!

-Suspicious Girlfriend

Dear Suspicious Girlfriend,

First off, let me say your boyfriend is an amateur. Doesn’t he know that all communication from other females must be deleted immediately? This includes text messages, voicemails, photos, letters, and email communications. It’s simple guys, view it and delete it. Remember the saying “seeing is believing?” Well if she can’t see it (your evidence) than maybe she won’t believe it.

Oh wait, I’m supposed to be giving advice to girls, not guys. Ok, you say that since you have moved in with your boyfriend he hasn’t given you one reason to think he is cheating. If this is the case, why did you invade his privacy and check the text messages on his phone? Obviously he HAS done something before this to create some doubts in your mind, otherwise you wouldn’t have checked his phone.

So you want to know if this girl is “just a friend” as you boyfriend is claiming? I don’t know a whole lot of ladies that would send sexual text messages to a guy without some pre-existing flirting between the two. In the beginning of a relationship like this (especially when two people work together) there is a lot of subtle and innocent flirting, a feeling out period. But over time it will get more intense until you end up comfortable enough to talk about what you are going to do to one another in the sack. You don’t go directly from A to Z, there’s something happening there in the middle.

I’ve had a lot of female friends in my life, many of whom I wanted to sleep with. And with most of those relationship I received some level of flirtation from those girls (even the ones I didn’t end up in bed with). However, I have had a few very close female friends whom I’ve had absolutely zero romantic interest and from those girls I never received any flirtation. Why the difference? Because the girls that did flirt with me obviously picked up on a “vibe” and they knew that I was open to their advances. See what I’m getting at? If she had no interest in him romantically then she wouldn’t be flirting with him the way she is. And if he had no interest in her, she would likely pick up on that vibe and refrain from flirting with him. Sounds like neither one of these are the case right now and there is something that is encouraging the nasty text messages.

Maybe he has or maybe he hasn’t actually cheated on you, but that really isn’t the larger issue. There is a lack of trust on your part and a lack of respect on his part. At the end of the day, the relationship he has with this other girl is more than “just friends,” regardless of whether or not they have hooked up.

-The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Cheating, Text Messages

Boyfriend is Surfing Adult Personals

Dear Date Guy,

I’ve known my boyfriend for many years. We have been talking about getting married soon, I’m 37. I just found out he put an adult personal ad on a website and didn’t tell me about it. He didn’t pay for it so couldn’t contact anyone but I’m still upset about it. I confronted him and he is sorry but said he could have paid for the site and actually have met the girls but didn’t. What should I do? Thanks!


Dear Deb,

First off, you’re letting your boyfriend get off the hook far too easily. As you wrote, “[he] said he could have paid for the site and actually have met the girls but didn’t.” Here is an analogy for you. You get pulled over by the police because you are driving while drunk. You tell the officer, “I might be drunk and I’m sorry, but if I were really drunk I would have gotten into an accident.” Now do you think that officer would let you go? Of course not. Your boyfriend’s defense is ridiculous.

Second, he’s surfing the adult personals for only one reason, sex (either real sex or just the fantasy of sex). The worse case scenario is that he’s proactively looking to have sex with someone besides you. The other option is that he’s getting off looking at girls that he “could” have sex with. For a guy, just “browsing” these sites can be exciting as it leads to fantasy. This is stuff he can be putting into his “spank bank*”. So either way, it’s not good for a relationship, especially if you are considering marrying this man.

My advice is that you confront him and push him on this issue right away. Although you didn’t mention any specifics about your sex life, it is obvious that there is something missing for him. Maybe it’s a lack of frequency, or a loss of attraction, or even his desire to engage in acts that you might consider too kinky. Regardless, you need to find out from him exactly what is unsatisfactory in your love life. And if he were 100% satisfied with you in the sack, then wouldn’t it be obvious that he wouldn’t want to look elsewhere now would he?

-The Date Guy

*A sexual memory or thought that a guy stores in his mind and recalls later to excite him during masturbatory or sexual activities


Posted by admin in Cheating

Made Out w/ Another Chick in Front of Me!

Dear Date Guy,

I’ve been dating this guy for about two months.  I haven’t been exclusive to him, but recently he told me that I am the only girl he has been seeing or sleeping with.  The other night I went out with him, his friends, and his sister (who is a friend of mine).  He was really cool, holding my hand most of the night and acting like we were in a real relationship.  We left the bar and he was very drunk.  Sloppy drunk, staggering around the street.

Outside of the club he runs into this girl he works with.  I had my back turned on him while I was talking to his sister.  Next thing I know I turn around and the asshole is totally making out with that chick!  He was so drunk I don’t think he even knew what was going on.  But really, why would he do that right in front of me? I know he isn’t my boyfriend and I’ve been sleeping with other guys, but he was the one who told me that I was the only girl he was dating.  So I stormed off and he didn’t even come after me.  WTF?  To make it worse, he didn’t even send me a text trying to explain himself that night. 

He finally sent me a text message the next day saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  And that’s about it.  I’m soooo pissed at him. I’m totally writing him off, but should I text him back? I totally want to tell him off, but is it worth my time?  Please advise me Date Guy.

- Bonnie from Toronto

Dear Bonnie,

I’m happy to hear that you are not going to put up with his complete disrespect of you. If he’s making out with another girl right in front of you you’re obviously not the only girl he is dating, no matter what he tells you. Since you are writing him off and don’t plan to see him again, I suggest you have a little “fun” with him and mess with his mind.

My advice is a little devious. Here is what you do. Send him a text back with the following: “It’s really not a big deal. I actually thought that girl was really cute. I’ve never been with another girl, but I wouldn’t mind sharing you with her for a night.” That’s it. He will get really fired up at the thought of a possible threesome (a guy’s wet dream). I guarantee you that he will text/call you back immediately to try to make the threesome happen. When he sends that text, just ignore him. Whatever you do, don’t write him back. This will drive him absolutely nuts. After that, I’m sure he’ll try to contact you yet again. In the end, you my dear will have the last laugh!

Five Signs a Guy Might Be Cheating

Quite often a guy shows obvious signs of shady behavior, yet it goes unnoticed by the girl.  If not unnoticed, ignored and both are only going to bring you head and heart ache in the long run.  So here’s some quick and easy dating advice.  Read the list below and familiarize yourself with some of the tell-tale signs that a guy might be cheating. 

  1. Acting distant.  If he’s calling less frequently or has cancelled on plans repeatedly, he may be trying to pull away from you and getting close to someone else.
  2. Unavailability.  If you try to call your guy and no one–not even his family or best friends–can get a hold of him, you’ve got to ask yourself where’s he hiding out and why?  This may not be a red flag when you first start dating, but if this happens later in the relationship it’s likely a sign, a bad sign.
  3. Suddenly insensitivity.   He he totally forgets plans and then shrugs it off.  He says something rude and doesn’t apologize.  He may not be considering your feelings because he’s thinking about another girl or is even hoping you get mad enough to want to leave him (relieving him of any guilt or difficulty he may have by dumping you).
  4. Change in interests and/or looks.  If he’s developed a new taste in music, clothes, or activities it may be to impress or bond with another girl.  This is always a great excuse when it comes break-up time as he’ll tell you, “we just don’t have that much in common anymore.”
  5. Less time with you.  This sounds pretty obviously but too often gets overlooked, especially after dating for a while.  Has he stopped inviting you to join him in his favorite activities or at his usual hangouts?  If you’re not going with him, who is?

This is some simple dating advice you ladies need to take to heart.  Til next time…

-The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Cheating