Dating advice for issues that involve Does He Like Me?

Some Guys Aren’t (Phone)y

Hello Date Guy. I am 20 years old and I have been seeing this 21 year old that im going to school with for about a year. We met at school and he was really nice so we ended up talking to one another. He and I hung out a couple times and he made me wait for 6 months to have sex with him…out of respect. We have been sleeping together for awhile now, after having honest discussion with one another that we would be exclusive and not sleep or see anyone else. He and i have talked about personal things for the entire year now, as well as sharing some intimate thoughts.

The sex is passionate, and it seems as though he cares very much about the act of doing so. He also tells me that he cares about me alot, and seems to be concerned if I’m distant (thinking i might be sleeping with a new guy). We have had discussions also where I have told him that I would like to be more, and he tells me that “he is working on his career (which he wants to open his own business), and that is his first priority and that all distractions need to be second right now. Of course I respect that because I seem to want that space as well right now. He seems to not talk to me for a couple days here and there, and I don’t know if I’m over reacting about that part because I hear that guys just dont value meaningless phone talk as much as females. Please let me know what i should think..thanks

There is a very good chance he doesn’t particularly enjoy talking on the phone with you. If he really is tring to focus on his career and build a business, then he may find that the time he spends talking with you on the phone is time that he could be doing something more productive. Don’t take this personal however, some guys just aren’t good on the phone, period. So don’t take this as an automatic sign that he doesn’t want to date you or is no longer interested in you. Keep the conversation intersting, don’t try to force it, and don’t drag it out.

It’s my guess that he’s probably the one that tries to get off the phone with you first, he’s initiating the end of the conversation. Here’s something you may want to try the next time you talk to him. At the first sign that the conversation is winding down, you (instead of him) immediately end the call on your terms (“there’s a call on the other line” or “you just looked at the clock and realized you are running late and will have to call him back tomorrow”, or whatever excuse you can think of). He’s the one used ending the call, so when you beat him to the punch, you’ll really have him scrating his head because you just took control. This kind of tactic could ultimately get him to spend more time talking to you. See, he’ll probably try to hold the conversation longer because he’ll think that if he lets it slows down that YOU will be the one bored with him. He won’t like that but it will make him want you more.

Online Attraction Doesn’t Equal Offline Attraction

Hello Date Guy,
I met this guy online about 9 months ago. As soon as we started to talk (via email and then phone), we clicked right away. Several months later and after countless days of conversation, we finally met each other. Although the meeting was brief, we enjoyed our time together and agreed to see each other again. About a month later, we met and spent the weekend together. I had a wonderful time getting to know him more (and I thought that he did too). After we went our separate ways that weekend, the phone calls went from every day to like once or twice a week. He claims that he was working, but he was making time to talk to me before while working. Christmas and New Years have gone by and we have had some conversations, even trying to make plans to see each other again.
Last week, I tried calling him several times and kept getting what I felt was the brush off. I got a text from him saying that he was busy, but still missing me. I waited a few days after that and called him. Got his voicemail and left him a message just saying that I really missed talking to him and that I wouldn’t continue to call because he hadn’t responded to me and I didnt want to feel like I was bothering him. I told him that if he wanted to talk, he could call me. I was really nice about it, but I haven’t heard anything from him. It’s been 3 days and nothing. No calls or texts from him. Am I over reacting? Do you think he’ll call or have I just gotten the brush off? I guess I really wouldn’t care, but I am really into him…

Thanks,
K.C.

Dear K.C.,
Even though I never really had any trouble finding girls to date, I did dabble into the world of online dating for a bit. One major thing I learned during my online dating stint is that online attraction and offline attraction are two different beasts. For a guy, good conversation is important and it’s easy to do in the age of online. However, once that relationship is forced to live in the offline/real world things can change quickly.

So what happened here? My instincts and personal experience lead me to believe that once this guy met you he simply didn’t dig you. Your online presentation didn’t met your offline expectations. This could have been a couple of things, separately or together. One, he probably didn’t think you were as cute in person as you are in your photo. Most guys just can’t get past that. Or maybe your sense of humor wasn’t the same. It’s very easy to be witty over email because you have time to craft your responses, but real time is a different story.

Regardless of they “why”, the reality is that this guy isn’t into you like you are into him. I’d advise that you don’t abandon the online dating world, but try to met the guy in person as quickly as possible. I know too many people who waste a lot of time getting to know someone online all to be disappointed once the finally go out on a date. Email a couple of times, have a phone conversation, then just met up!

Cheers,

Date Guy

Posted by admin in Does He Like Me?, Internet

He’s Acting Distant in Bed

I am 21 years old and i have been kind of seeing this guy for about month and a half. When we met we clicked right away and found out that we had a lot in common. Things have been ok so far, he calls when he says that he will, texts me back when i text him, and when i do stay at his house he makes me breakfast in bed. Lately he hasn’t been calling me as much and not really texting me back. i am really starting to like him a lot and i don’t know where me and him stand. Like i think that he likes me, but when i do sleep at his house we are sleeping in the same bed but not close to each other. Like he is on one side of the bed and i am on the other and when i try to hold his hand he isn’t feeling it. I would like to start a relationship with him but i am on the fence about it because i don’t want to waste my time trying to pursue something with someone that isn’t into me. So please let me know what you think.

Thanks for listening,

EJ

Hi EJ,

I’m going to dive right in here with some guy advice. His distance in the sac is the big red flag I’m seeing. This is likely a sign that this guy is feeling guilty for not caring for you as much as you are caring for him. You two are dating and the sex is obviously consensual so he doesn’t have to feel guilty about that aspect of your relationship. However, for a guy “cuddling” (in one form or another) is not a casual activity and can actually be more intimate for him.

Unlike sex, when a guy cuddles with a girl he knows that he is giving her a clear-cut signal that he cares for her a lot. He knows that there is no other way for her to interpret this action. So for him right now he would feel like a fraud for being close to you in bed (ie, holding hands, spooning, etc.) because he knows that you’ll make the assumption that he really likes you.

Unless he changes this behavior (on his own), it’s probably a good idea to move on to someone who wants to hold you throughout the night and is ready for a relationship.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Does He Like Me?

What is My Relationship Label?

Hi,

Im 25 yrs old and met this guy at a bar that I go to often, back in September. We liked each other right off the bat. We would text each other during the week and only see each other after the bar on the weekend. I started liking him more and more all the time. Well around the end of November I think he realized this and wrote me a text and told me that he wasnt sure if we could hang out because he didnt want to hurt anyones feelings and that he still had feelings for his ex. Well I got a little angry, but appreciated his honesty. Well that lasted all of one day, because after he saw that he hurt me he began calling and asking me over. So I went and said I wont expect anything this time, just some casual sex with a friend.
Well this has risen over the past month and a half to me being at his house up to five times a week. He cooks me dinner, I cook him dinner, he has began calling me ‘honey’ which I love, and we just hang out, talk and have a blast, mostly followed by sex, but not always. I think he is liking me more and more but I dont want to ask for a label, because im afraid of disappointment.

So my question is, what is this relationship? Is it ‘buddies’? Does he like me? or am I reading too much into it, or am I asking for too much?

Thanks,
RB

Dear RB,

Oh you girls are so silly and so predictable. “I’m OK with having sex and just being friends.” I’ve heard that one a few times in my day and never once did the girl not get attached and want a relationship that was more than just F-buddies. And you my dear are no different.

So what is this relationship you have? Well it’s a guy’s dream relationship. He puts in zero work but still receives a paycheck. You go over to his house, you two cook food, and usually follow up with some sex. How great is that? He doesn’t have to leave his house, doesn’t have to take you out for a nice dinner, and he usually gets to sleep with you. Score for him.

All that said, he may still like you and like you very much. If you are truly spending 5 days a week together then he is likely not seeing other girls. However, his last girl may have been a royal pain in the ass/high maintenance and with you he is just simply enjoying the casualness of what you have.

You made a comment that stands out to me. You said, “am I asking for too much?” Shouldn’t the real question be, “am I receiving enough?”

Moving on. Two ways you can find out what he thinks your relationship is. First one is the least time consuming and easiest. ASK! You obviously want a relationship that is more than just casual sex. You want this guys as your boyfriend. Why waste your time dating someone who isn’t ready or willing to give you what you truly want? You don’t have to get all sappy or too demanding. Simply say to him, “I have to admit that I’ve started to develop some real feelings for you and would like this to be something that is more than just friends.” You should have no shame in asking that. In fact, being straightforward is a sign of confidence and high self esteem. If he then tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship or not over his ex, then you have your answer. He simply thinks of your arrangement as “friends with benefits.”

The other option is to simply withhold the sex. Tell him that you are really enjoying your friendship and that without being boyfriend/girlfriend sex doesn’t seem appropriate anymore (just don’t stop putting out without saying something. This will only confuse and piss him off. We aren’t mind readers). If you do this for just a couple of weeks one of two things will happen. One is that he’ll start to phase you out because he isn’t getting any action and you’ll then know that you were never more than a F-buddy. However, if he does want a serious relationship you should see him putting more effort into the relationship because he’ll know that in order to keep you around that he’ll have to step it up. It will come clear to you that he feels the same way you do by his actions.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Not Too Outgoing and Not Too Well Endowed

Hey Date Guy,

So here’s the situation I’ve liked this guy for a while now, met him at a societies’ freshers recruiting event (we are both at University), got his number a few weeks later, invited him round for a dinner party shortly after that, slept with him a week later. Since we slept together, he’s taken me out to lunch a few times but nothing else has happened. I mean not even kissing/touching…which i can’t totally blame him for because i haven’t tried.

I have no idea what’s going on or what to do from here.

Would appreciate any advice you can offer me.

PS: He is quite shy and younger than I am. He is also not very well endowed as far as his manhood is concern,and I am aware that he is conscious of that

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

It sounds like you’ve taken the initiative since day one with this guy so it is no surprise that he’s not busting a move right now. If he really is that shy, I’m guessing either you made the first move when you two sex or that there was alcohol involved. If you are interested in this guy, you will probably have to initiate the kissing/touching one more time. He might not be 100% sure that you still like him, hence he is hessitant to make the first move for fear of rejection. Make the move one more time and unless he’s a total nerd, he should get the hint.

Now I would like to move on to the other part of your delema, the fact that this guy’s package is less than impressive. And as you mention, you know he’s self conscious of his short-comings. It sounds like you want to date him so it is somewhat likely you’ll find yourself in bed with him again. Long ago I read an advice column in Playboy (and yes, I do actually read the magazine for the articles as they are suprisingly intelligent.) where a girl was in a situation similar to yours. I felt pretty embarrased for the guy so the aricle kind of stuck in my mind. Anyway, I thought the advice made sense, therefore I’ll relay it to you as expressed by Playboy.

If he’s got a small one, the last thing he’ll want is for you to take a good hard look at it. In his mind, the more you see the more self conscious he’s going to be (especially if he’s not aroused). So, next time before you rip his clothes off turn out the lights so that when his ding dong is out, it’s smallness is a bit more hidden. Second, try laying off of the oral. If you’re down there, you’re getting to know his unit pretty well and again this only brings added attention to its size. You will not need to do this forever, but in the early goings as you two are just starting to get familar with one another it’s a good game plan. As you do it more often and get more comfortable, express to him that you like everything about him physically and that he really turns you on in bed. His guard should come down and his self confidence will go up.

Take care,

Date Guy

Posted by admin in Does He Like Me?, Sex

Does He Like Me or Not?

Hi Date Guy,

My dilemma is this. This male friend of mine has ALWAYS acted like he had something for me without flirting. When we met, I was taken and so was, and STILL is, he. When I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I told him and he seemed REALLY excited. I thought he and his girlfriend would break up because they were already having problems. I told him I liked him, totally by accident, and he did NOTHING!!

I know he likes me, and even his male assistant, who REALLY knows him, told me that as a man, the way that he’s looked at me in the office, is not a look of lust, but real “like” for a woman. I’ve ALWAYS seen this look from him, but can’t understand why he won’t ask me out now that I’m available. When again it came out that I liked him, he said he didn’t believe it before because he thought it was just “rebound talk”. It’s not, as I DO NOT go from guy to guy, and things had been done with my boyfriend for years BEFORE we broke up. Does he or does he not like me? Were the signals (a look says it all) read wrong by me, his assistant AND an intern that saw EVERYTHING and was jealous of how he treated me? Please help!

-Sandra

Dear Sandra,

Sounds like you might be trying to make more out of this than there really is. Does he outwardly flirt with you? No. Has HE told you that he likes you? No. Did he ask you out after you told him you liked him? No. That’s three strikes, you’re out. If this was a case in a court of law it would be dismissed. Bluntly there is no hard evidence here, it’s all circumstantial. All you have is your interpretation of what it means when he looks at you.

Don’t get me wrong, it sounds like he is physically attracted to you. It’s quite normal for a guy in a relationship to look at another girl in this way (especially if he works with her) even if he is relatively happy in his current relationship. There is something exciting about having a mutual attraction but never having to cheat in order to experience that excitement. Who knows, he may even fantasize about you. But is he ready to end his relationship for you? Doesn’t sound like it. Let’s face it, when you broke up with your boyfriend and he really wanted to be with you, don’t you think he’d make his intentions a bit more obvious? Wouldn’t he fear that if he didn’t say something that you might eventually start dating someone else?

So I think I answered your question about whether or not he likes you. Let me offer you some bonus advice about what you should do. Now that you are out of a relationship its time to focus on yourself, not him. Do some of those things that you weren’t able to do when you were in your old relationship. Live it up for a while, there is no need to rush right into another relationship. And would you really want him to break up with his girlfriend because of you? Wouldn’t you want him to break up with her because he simply doesn’t want to be with her, regardless of who might be waiting for him. Give it some time, if he really is serious about you it will become more clear down the road. Meanwhile, you’ll have to assume he’ll stay in his relationship and there is nothing more you can or shoud do about it.

-The Date Guy

Posted by admin in Does He Like Me?