Dating advice for issues that involve Insider Information

Is He Really Going to “Cross the Line”?

Today on the homepage of Yahoo! was an article called 6 Flirting Scenarios That Cross the Line written by Dr. Laura Berman. Since it was written by a female, I thought I’d take a look at it from a guy’s perspective and chime in. The following are the six scenarios that she considers crossing the line.

- Cyber-flirting
- Dirty dancing with people other than your partner
- Buying other girls/guys drinks
- Being too affectionate with members of the opposite sex
- Commenting on the attractiveness of other men/women to your spouse
- Flirting with the waiter/waitress/handyman, etc.

I agree that all of the behaviors can be disrespectful if done repeatedly, but some can also be outright innocent. That said, which of these are most likely to lead to actual infidelity by a man? From most likely to least likely: Excess affection with other women, dirty dancing, cyber-flirting, flirting with other women, and commenting on the attractiveness of other women.

Excessive affection is pretty obviously. If your guy is constantly hugging on other girls not only is it a lack of respect to you, but could mean that he is either currently cheating or could do so in the future. It’s a sign that he is extremely comfortable with that girl and that can slippery slope.

Dirty dancing is definitely inappropriate and falls pretty much in line with giving another woman too much affection.

Cyber-flirting can be a sticky one. This can be a sign that the guy likes the fantasy of being with another girl, but actually taking it to the next level and actually crossing the line shouldn’t be assumed.

Flirting with a waitress or saying another girl is attractive I think is the most harmless of the bunch. After all ladies, I’m sure you don’t hide your attraction to Brad Pitt from your man. One caveat I’ll make is that if he does flirt in front of you and at your expense it may not be the road to infidelity, but definitely take a closer look at your relationship.

Posted by admin in Insider Information

The Hand Slap is a Major Turn-Off

So this female friend of mine was confiding in me the other day (as she does at least once a week) about how she slapped this guy’s hand away as he tried to bust some moves. Her actions made me realize that I have some simple insider information to help you better deal with guys in your relationships.

First a little history. This girl (Let’s call her Lucy)  has been dating this guy for about a month ago. Lucy normally puts out on the first or second date depending on how much alcohol she drinks. Many guys have taken advantage of her moral flexibility as they have “hit it and quit it” as Tom Leykis would say. So now Sara has found a guy she really likes, a guy with a lot of long term potential. She doesn’t want him to bail on her like so many others have, so she is not giving up the goods so quickly this time.

A month into their dating she eventually finds her way into his bed after a long night of drinking. Lucy restrains herself and doesn’t have sex with him. In fact, she’s been telling him that she wants to take things slow and he’s been very understanding (see, he is a catch).

Fast forward to the morning and they are spooning. The guy reaches around to try to feel her up. Her response? She immediately slaps his hand away. Now all of this my seem innocent enough to you ladies, but from a guy’s perspective the hand slap is a huge, huge turn off. Here this guy is finally builds up the courage and goes in for some romance and you totally reject him by swatting his hand. What are you, his mother?

After that incident Lucy said the guy was a little quiet the rest of the morning. This worried her and this is why she was seeking my opinion. The ever familiar, “do you think he still likes me, he was acting weird” question was asked. Well, the reason the guy started acting weird is that you slapped his hand away!

It’s simple ladies, next time a guy is making an advance you don’t want or are uncomfortable with (and I’m talking about a guy you are dating, not some random guy at the bar), just gently grab his hand and tell him “let’s take it slow.” It may be your natural instinct or reflex to slap at him, but really you should refrain if you want to keep the guy around for a while. He won’t feel as rejected and will have more respect for you if you simple communicate in a nicer manner. Let me know how it works out for you girls.

-Date Guy

Advice Given to Guys for Dumping a Girl

Just thought you girls might want to hear what some men’s magazines recommend when it comes time for a guy to break up with a girl. Here are some conflicting views from from and Maxim Magazine. One view is a bit kinder and more respectful approach than the other. I’m sure you’ll have no problem figuring out which one it is. Which one would you prefer if you were getting dumped? Personally, I recommend a combination of the two.

We’ll start with

  1. Make her the first to know. Out of respect for her, never tell your friends you’re going to break up before telling her it’s over. It’s a simple thing women consider sacred. (I don’t agree. Friends are great confidants and might be able to offer you advice or give you the support you need to go through with it. I don’t understand how this would be disrespectful to the girl.)
  2. Find a neutral zone. It’s not fair to end the relationship at your place, nor should you be forced to see a picture of you and her hugging on her fridge. (I disagree here as well. If it an emotional break up, she’ll feel even worse if she breaks down in public. Better to leave the tears at home where she is more comfortable. And definitely don’t do it at your place, you could have a hell of a time getting her to leave.)
  3. End it in person. If you’ve lost that loving feeling, be courteous and tell her face-to-face. (I agree. Email, phone, and text message may be ok…if you’re 11 years old.)
  4. Keep it simple. There’s no need to put her through the history of your decision to break up. She does deserve an explanation, but save her the long-winded reasons of exactly why and how things went sour. (Agreed. The longer you talk the more ammo she’ll have to get you to change your mind.)
  5. Get her to see your point of view. You’re probably not the only one that’s been feeling the relationship going downhill. A dose of reality might be just what the doctor ordered to get her to accept what it is you need to say — and do — about it. A good way to get her to understand why you and she aren’t best suited for one another is through a simple example. (No, no, no. For example, what if one of the reasons you want to break up with her is because she is lousy in bed? How could telling her this be of benfit to either of you?)
  6. Don’t change your mind. There’s a big reason why you made the decision to confront her with the end of your relationship, be sure and stick to your guns even if she cries. Remember, you wanted to stop dating her for a reason. (Agreed, 100%)
  7. Be ready for tears. Whether she’s glad you said something or not, chances are tears will be shed. Ending a relationship can bring intense emotion and she’s not about to save you from seeing it all pour out at once. When she does start to cry, be sympathetic but don’t be drawn in by an overflow of powerful emotion. Be an emotional rock. (Maybe. I’m on the fence with this one. If you throw a couple of tears in there yourself, she may let you off the hook a little easier.)
  8. Have an exit strategy. Make sure to have plans set with friends later that day. This will ensure that the breakup process isn’t dragged on longer than necessary and that you’re not alone if you feel bad about what just happened. (Agreed. I would suggest making plans with family, not friends. Ditching her so you can hang with your buds may be a bit callous in her view. However, if you have to meet up with mom and dad for dinner at a certain time it will be more difficult for her to be upset with you for cutting out.)

And what does an article from Maxim Magazine recommend? Read the rest of this entry »

The Art of the Subtle Pick-Up

Some girls are clueless when it comes to pick-up lines, especially if they are subtle and don’t appear to be your normal cheesy line. This point was illustrated this afternoon as a guy struck up “harmless” small talk with my girlfriend at Starbucks. Here is how it went down. As she’s walking out of the place this guy comes up beside her and comments on the odd group of loud bikers that had congregated outside of the mega coffee house. He says something along the lines of, “Did you see that group? what’s that all about?” It’s an open-ended and non threatening question. Because she found the group odd as well, she responds something along the lines of, “I’m not sure what was going on, it’s kind of weird.” And there you go, the wheels were set in motion and a conversation followed and he eventually asked her out. When she told me about the exchange I mentioned it was a good pick-up tactic on his part. She seemed bewildered by my comment and responded that “he was just being friendly.” The fact that she seemed so oblivious to this sort of pick-up technique really surprised me and got me thinking that it would be a good subject for me to write about.

The exchange with the guy from the coffee house didn’t bother me one bit. First of all, I trust my girlfriend 100%. Second, I view it as a compliment when a guy finds her attractive enough to approach her in hopes of securing a date. It makes me even more proud to be with her and reminds me of how lucky I am to be with her.

So how do I know that this was a pick-up attempt? Well, I used that technique all the time back in the day and was quite successful at it. Striking up a conversation with a girl who you don’t know is very hard if you ask her a question relation directly to her. For example, if a guy approaches you and asks you how you are doing or tells you that you are pretty, it’s easy for you to see that he is interested in you which will (if you are not overly attracted to him) cause you to go into a defensive mode. On the other hand, if you approach a girl and make a comment that has to do with someone or something else (especially if that someone/something else was out of the norm), you establish more of a common ground and takes the pressure off of her.

Case in point. While in college, I found it very easy to meet and date girls who I shared classes with. My strategy was to simply wait until the teacher or one of the other students did something that was very odd. You know, the guy in the front of the class who raises his hand every three seconds and asks one bizarre question after another. Class is dismissed and I simply say to my target, “What’s up with that guy and all of his crazy questions?” Inevitable she’d respond something to the effect, “I know, he is totally weird.” Ah ha! The ice was broken and a we begin a conversation about something we both found interesting.  From there I could later transition into asking her about herself and roll that into asking her out. It gave me a chance to interact with her and make her feel comfortable with me before I showed interest in her. This tactic of mine was applied in many different situations (at a store, a bar, wherever) and increased my odds of getting a date considerably.

So next time a guy chats you up for what you think is innocent small talk, you might want to see it for what it might really be, an attempt to pick you up. Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially if you find the guy attractive. However, if you don’t, you may want to get out of conversation sooner rather than later.

Insider Information – Leykis 101

I bring you another installment of Insider Information, where I share with you girls the stuff guys don’t want you to know when it comes to dating and relationships.

Tom Leykis may not be a household name across the country, but in California Tom is one of the biggest names in radio. Leykis is an outspoken  radio talkshow hosts out of Los Angeles who preaches to a massive amounts of the guys the finer art of scoring with women. We’re not talking about how to wine, dine, and treat a lady with respect. Tom’s philosophy is that the worse you treat a girl they more she will want you. In other words, when it comes to dating nice guys finish last.

I must admit that when I was in my 20′s and living in Southern California, I was an avid listener of his show. I found his unapologetic sexism refreshing and listening to him advise guys on the finer points of getting laid was motivating. Tom made it all sound so easy, a simple formula that would work wonders for getting women into bed and I along with the millions who listen to his nationally syndicated radio bought into it. 

Tom has boiled down his philosophy to what he calls Leykis 101 – “How to get laid with the least amount of effort.” I now share with you (at the risk of being lynched and having my testicle removed by an angry mob of males) the tenets set forth by the self proclaimed Professor. Be prepared, this list will probably make you angry but if you are dating a fan of Tom Leykis you now know what you’re up against. (I have added translation where appropriate)

-40 Dollar Limit: Never spend more than $40 on a date.
-Three Dates Rule: Stop seeing the girl if you do not get laid after the third date.
-No Means No: If she says no then, STOP, get your stuff, and leave. (see, he’s not all bad)
-Single Mothers: Never date single mothers. (you’ll always play second fidell to her children)
-Tabasco Sauce: After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom. (to prevent her from using the remnants to impregnate herself)
-Approaching Women in Groups: Never approach a woman in a club that’s surrounded by her girlfriends.(one of the other girls is bound to cockblock)
-Sex To Go: No spooning, cuddling, and or staying over after sex.
-Relationships: Do not get into a serious relationship before the age of 25. (I tend to back him up on this one. Unless a guy is mature enough to be in a serious relationship he should avoid being in one)
-Weekend Dates: Do not go out on weekend dates unless you are guaranteed sex.
-Cell Phone Dates: If your dates cell phone rings during the date then immediately leave. (sounds pretty harsh, but it would would be funny)
-After Hours Homely Pickings: The fugly women are the last one’s to get picked up. (fugly = fat and ugly)
-Birth Control: Regardless of what a woman says always use birth control. (another point of agreement)
-No Gifts: No gifts are ever given to booty calls and women you are dating.
-Beverage Consumption: Buy Hard Alcohol over Beer. (hard alcohol will get the girl drunk fast, increasing your chances of getting lucky)
-Types of Dates: Avoid lunch and or coffee dates. (you probably won’t be able to take a girl home after a cup of coffee, but you might be able to after a few shots at a bar)
-Jerks and Assholes: If women think you are a jerk, then your doing something right. (ie, nice guys finish last)

Oh yes, there’s more!  Keep reading… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted by admin in Insider Information

Insider Information

This stuff I’m about to give you girls is golden.  There are plenty of books and emails floating out there by self-proclaimed “players” and “pick-up artist” who are giving advice to guys on how to pick you girls up.  Most of these writers are trying to help guys become cocky and confident in order to increase their chances of getting you into bed.  They aren’t giving dating advice or advice on long-term relationships, they are to-the-point with their objective, closing the deal.  So here is some of the advice guys are receiving these days and actions you may recognize with some of the players you’re meeting at the bars or at school.  Here is some advice guys have been given regarding Buying Things for Women (AKA getting laid without spending any money):

I can remember when I used to think that I needed to always take women out, buy them dinner, and pay for whatever I could think of to get women’s attention. It was really a horrible feeling. The worst part was that the more nice things I did for women when I first met them, the more apprehensive and “standoffish” they seemed to act. It was almost as if they interpreted my actions as ME TRYING TOO HARD, and they instinctively played “hard to get” in response.

The question of “Should I pay for dinner?” is as old as dirt. So let me answer it with one of my typical multi-part answers. And the first part of my answer is going to be
another question to YOU…

WHY WOULD YOU PAY FOR A WOMAN’S DINNER? And for that matter, why would you buy gifts and do favors for a woman that you just met and don’t know?

IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMETHING. And guess what? Attractive women are VERY perceptive. They can usually size a guy up in a matter of SECONDS.

She KNOWS what’s on your mind. And she’s going to take all the clues you give her to decide how much you like her… and how much of a WUSS you are as well.

Now I’m going to throw you a real curve ball…I have friends who are very good with women that take women to NICE dinners all the time. I’m talking two hundred PLUS dollars for dinner and drinks ALONE. I also have friends who almost NEVER take women out for so much as a cup of coffee… yet they have more women than they can handle.

Is this possible? Are the guys who are buying dinner actually SUCCESSFUL at bribing women with food?

Or do both techniques work? Read the rest of this entry »