Dear Date Guy,

i have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year. we have had some difficulties, and it seems our arguments are never resolved..always the same thing coming back up. he has been more distant lately (not coming home when he says he will, spending more time with friends etc.) i did the wrong thing and went thru his phone a couple weeks ago. i found a text to his best friend that said how there were all these hot girls in one of these towns he works in…and the next one said, “god how i love girls, and oh how i hate my girlfriend”. i did confront him with this, apologizing for looking thru his phone and he denied what he wrote saying it was a joke and that i didn’t know what im talking about and thats what i get for going thru his phone. sooo….the other day i wnet thru again and he was working in the same town and i found another message to his same frined that said, “i don’t mean to sound like a broken record but there is so much #### out here…my heads getting so big with the amount of girls i have been talking to. we must come out here labor day weekend..for fishing of course.” now i didnt tell him i saw all this but i am so irrate and hurt and feel so disrespected. we had this same friend over for dinner the other nite and you can imagine how #### i felt thinking that my boyfriend sends him all these messages about other women. his friend must think i’m an idiot. i am considereing moving out cuz the issues just seem to be getting worse as now it looks as though he is actually talking to and really enjoying being around other women. what should i do?? how can i let him know i know without blowing myself up? this weekends going to suck when he goes with is friends cuz he will tell me hes fishing but i know the real story…anyone…please…advice…

-Grace from Albany, NY

Dear Grace,

Is this a joke? First off, the fact that your boyfriend raised enough suspicion that it caused you to snoop is red flag number one. The fact that you “caught” him twice is a double red flag. It appears that you lack a spine. Unfortunately for you he probably sees this and it is something that is a turn off to him. It’s hard for a guy to respect a girl that he is dating if he knows he can talk his way out of any trouble. Knowing that you are worried about what his friend thinks of you is another sign that you are lacking self confidence. You, read that again, you should be your number one priority. I think it’s obvious that this is not a health relationship and is ultimately going nowhere fast.

You need to move out, asap. Why are you worried about having to tell him that you read his text messages again? In reality you owe his no explanation, period. While he’s fishing for “snapper,” you need to start packing. Tell him he’s mistreated you and taken you for granted. If this guy really does want to be with you, and only you, your best bet is to be gone and show him what it would be like if you weren’t around. This is your only saving grace, Grace.

-The Date Guy