Dating advice for issues that involve Phone Calls

Some Guys Aren’t (Phone)y

Hello Date Guy. I am 20 years old and I have been seeing this 21 year old that im going to school with for about a year. We met at school and he was really nice so we ended up talking to one another. He and I hung out a couple times and he made me wait for 6 months to have sex with him…out of respect. We have been sleeping together for awhile now, after having honest discussion with one another that we would be exclusive and not sleep or see anyone else. He and i have talked about personal things for the entire year now, as well as sharing some intimate thoughts.

The sex is passionate, and it seems as though he cares very much about the act of doing so. He also tells me that he cares about me alot, and seems to be concerned if I’m distant (thinking i might be sleeping with a new guy). We have had discussions also where I have told him that I would like to be more, and he tells me that “he is working on his career (which he wants to open his own business), and that is his first priority and that all distractions need to be second right now. Of course I respect that because I seem to want that space as well right now. He seems to not talk to me for a couple days here and there, and I don’t know if I’m over reacting about that part because I hear that guys just dont value meaningless phone talk as much as females. Please let me know what i should think..thanks

There is a very good chance he doesn’t particularly enjoy talking on the phone with you. If he really is tring to focus on his career and build a business, then he may find that the time he spends talking with you on the phone is time that he could be doing something more productive. Don’t take this personal however, some guys just aren’t good on the phone, period. So don’t take this as an automatic sign that he doesn’t want to date you or is no longer interested in you. Keep the conversation intersting, don’t try to force it, and don’t drag it out.

It’s my guess that he’s probably the one that tries to get off the phone with you first, he’s initiating the end of the conversation. Here’s something you may want to try the next time you talk to him. At the first sign that the conversation is winding down, you (instead of him) immediately end the call on your terms (“there’s a call on the other line” or “you just looked at the clock and realized you are running late and will have to call him back tomorrow”, or whatever excuse you can think of). He’s the one used ending the call, so when you beat him to the punch, you’ll really have him scrating his head because you just took control. This kind of tactic could ultimately get him to spend more time talking to you. See, he’ll probably try to hold the conversation longer because he’ll think that if he lets it slows down that YOU will be the one bored with him. He won’t like that but it will make him want you more.

15 Miles Apart, A Million Miles Away

Dear Date Guy,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. He is always gone and hardly has any time to call me or hang out. He told me when we just started this relationship that he would be busy and wouldn’t have a lot of time for me. We both knew it would be hard to keep in touch and talk at all even though the college I am going to is 15 miles away from him. His mom took away his phone b/c she thought that he called me too much so we only get to talk on the phone once a week, but lately, he doesn’t call me at all. The last time he called me was 2 weeks ago, and we haven’t hung out for more than a month. I haven’t talked to him in so long! I leave texts saying when I will be in his town so we can maybe get together, but they are left unanswered. I don’t really know what I am asking, i just want another person’s opinion. Are we over? Should I write him a letter? I wrote him a note once and he didn’t like the fact that I wrote out my feelings instead of face to face. What advice do you have for me Date Guy?

-Janice from Portland, Oregon

Dear Janice

I’m sorry to break the news to you, you seem sweet with a big heart, but in reality he’s on to someone new.

Take youself out of the equation and look at what you wrote from a 3rd person perspective:
- “lately he doesn’t call me at all”
- “we haven’t hung out for more than a month”
- “I text him when I’m in town but they go unanswered”

Stop telling yourself what you want to hear and instead focus on the reality of the situation. If he was serious and wanted to be your boyfriend, he would act like a boyfriend. If he loved you, he’d be going out if his way to spend time with you. Even if he didn’t have a car, a guy in love would ride a bike 15 miles to see his girl. And his mom took away his phone? Lame excuse, I can’t believe you believe it. If he wanted to talk to you, he’d do whatever it took, even if it meant borrowing a friend’s phone. How about email? Does this loser not have access to the Internet? There is this place called a library and they offer free Internet access.

So, to answer your questions:
“Are we over?” Yes.
“Should I write him a letter?” No, he didn’t appreciate it before, he won’t appreciate it now.

The excuse of not liking the letter because you wrote out your feelings instead of face to face is an excuse. All it did was probably deflect or put off him having to address the things you wrote about. For a guy, a good offense is a great defense. See, you got hung up on his excuse instead of the real issue, your feelings.

Save your self respect. Get out now. Don’t beat yourself up over it, realize it was an issue with HIM, not you. You’re in college? Now is the time in your life when you should be living it up, meeting new people, a moving on to a new phase of life.

-The Date Guy

Willing to Make-Out, Unwilling to Call

Dear Date Guy,

Why would a guy make-out with me, tell me how beautiful I am, tell me that he wants to spend more time with me and tell me that I should call him…and then when I do call him, he ignores me and doesn’t return my call? And what should I do?

-Belinda from San Francisco


Why would he say that to you? Because you are not the only girl that he’s making out with, calling pretty, and saying he wants to spend more time with.

If was was genuine in all that he has said, HE would call you instead of asking you to call him.  He’s already come to realize that he only has to put in minimal effort to get what he wants from you. 

My advice, next time when you are making out with him, tell him how hot you think that he is, that you like spending time with him and that you’ll call him. Then, DON’T call him. You will be able to turn the tables and get him thinking, “hum, did I do something wrong, why isn’t she calling me when she said she would?”  This will make him realize that minimal effort on his part won’t cut it anymore with you.  He’ll either step up or not.  This will let you know where you stand, then you can decide whether or not you want to date this guy.

-The Date Guy

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