Hi Date Guy,

My dilemma is this. This male friend of mine has ALWAYS acted like he had something for me without flirting. When we met, I was taken and so was, and STILL is, he. When I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I told him and he seemed REALLY excited. I thought he and his girlfriend would break up because they were already having problems. I told him I liked him, totally by accident, and he did NOTHING!!

I know he likes me, and even his male assistant, who REALLY knows him, told me that as a man, the way that he’s looked at me in the office, is not a look of lust, but real “like” for a woman. I’ve ALWAYS seen this look from him, but can’t understand why he won’t ask me out now that I’m available. When again it came out that I liked him, he said he didn’t believe it before because he thought it was just “rebound talk”. It’s not, as I DO NOT go from guy to guy, and things had been done with my boyfriend for years BEFORE we broke up. Does he or does he not like me? Were the signals (a look says it all) read wrong by me, his assistant AND an intern that saw EVERYTHING and was jealous of how he treated me? Please help!

-Sandra

Dear Sandra,

Sounds like you might be trying to make more out of this than there really is. Does he outwardly flirt with you? No. Has HE told you that he likes you? No. Did he ask you out after you told him you liked him? No. That’s three strikes, you’re out. If this was a case in a court of law it would be dismissed. Bluntly there is no hard evidence here, it’s all circumstantial. All you have is your interpretation of what it means when he looks at you.

Don’t get me wrong, it sounds like he is physically attracted to you. It’s quite normal for a guy in a relationship to look at another girl in this way (especially if he works with her) even if he is relatively happy in his current relationship. There is something exciting about having a mutual attraction but never having to cheat in order to experience that excitement. Who knows, he may even fantasize about you. But is he ready to end his relationship for you? Doesn’t sound like it. Let’s face it, when you broke up with your boyfriend and he really wanted to be with you, don’t you think he’d make his intentions a bit more obvious? Wouldn’t he fear that if he didn’t say something that you might eventually start dating someone else?

So I think I answered your question about whether or not he likes you. Let me offer you some bonus advice about what you should do. Now that you are out of a relationship its time to focus on yourself, not him. Do some of those things that you weren’t able to do when you were in your old relationship. Live it up for a while, there is no need to rush right into another relationship. And would you really want him to break up with his girlfriend because of you? Wouldn’t you want him to break up with her because he simply doesn’t want to be with her, regardless of who might be waiting for him. Give it some time, if he really is serious about you it will become more clear down the road. Meanwhile, you’ll have to assume he’ll stay in his relationship and there is nothing more you can or shoud do about it.

-The Date Guy

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