Hi,

Im 25 yrs old and met this guy at a bar that I go to often, back in September. We liked each other right off the bat. We would text each other during the week and only see each other after the bar on the weekend. I started liking him more and more all the time. Well around the end of November I think he realized this and wrote me a text and told me that he wasnt sure if we could hang out because he didnt want to hurt anyones feelings and that he still had feelings for his ex. Well I got a little angry, but appreciated his honesty. Well that lasted all of one day, because after he saw that he hurt me he began calling and asking me over. So I went and said I wont expect anything this time, just some casual sex with a friend.
Well this has risen over the past month and a half to me being at his house up to five times a week. He cooks me dinner, I cook him dinner, he has began calling me ‘honey’ which I love, and we just hang out, talk and have a blast, mostly followed by sex, but not always. I think he is liking me more and more but I dont want to ask for a label, because im afraid of disappointment.

So my question is, what is this relationship? Is it ‘buddies’? Does he like me? or am I reading too much into it, or am I asking for too much?

Thanks,
RB

Dear RB,

Oh you girls are so silly and so predictable. “I’m OK with having sex and just being friends.” I’ve heard that one a few times in my day and never once did the girl not get attached and want a relationship that was more than just F-buddies. And you my dear are no different.

So what is this relationship you have? Well it’s a guy’s dream relationship. He puts in zero work but still receives a paycheck. You go over to his house, you two cook food, and usually follow up with some sex. How great is that? He doesn’t have to leave his house, doesn’t have to take you out for a nice dinner, and he usually gets to sleep with you. Score for him.

All that said, he may still like you and like you very much. If you are truly spending 5 days a week together then he is likely not seeing other girls. However, his last girl may have been a royal pain in the ass/high maintenance and with you he is just simply enjoying the casualness of what you have.

You made a comment that stands out to me. You said, “am I asking for too much?” Shouldn’t the real question be, “am I receiving enough?”

Moving on. Two ways you can find out what he thinks your relationship is. First one is the least time consuming and easiest. ASK! You obviously want a relationship that is more than just casual sex. You want this guys as your boyfriend. Why waste your time dating someone who isn’t ready or willing to give you what you truly want? You don’t have to get all sappy or too demanding. Simply say to him, “I have to admit that I’ve started to develop some real feelings for you and would like this to be something that is more than just friends.” You should have no shame in asking that. In fact, being straightforward is a sign of confidence and high self esteem. If he then tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship or not over his ex, then you have your answer. He simply thinks of your arrangement as “friends with benefits.”

The other option is to simply withhold the sex. Tell him that you are really enjoying your friendship and that without being boyfriend/girlfriend sex doesn’t seem appropriate anymore (just don’t stop putting out without saying something. This will only confuse and piss him off. We aren’t mind readers). If you do this for just a couple of weeks one of two things will happen. One is that he’ll start to phase you out because he isn’t getting any action and you’ll then know that you were never more than a F-buddy. However, if he does want a serious relationship you should see him putting more effort into the relationship because he’ll know that in order to keep you around that he’ll have to step it up. It will come clear to you that he feels the same way you do by his actions.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Date Guy,

Ok, so I know I am 15, but i really need advice from a guys perspective. If you don’t reply to this I understand. I had this boyfriend last year, we went out, broke up, went out then broke up again. I still love him (he is my first love) and he still likes me but we both arent good in relationships because we have flirtatious personalities and being so young we don’t like to be tied down with relationships. We have been talking, and everything, we are very close, and he said he wants to lose his virginity to me because he cares about me and he’ll always be here for me, and I want to lose mine to him too, but I am afraid hes a guy and is just saying what I want to hear.
He likes alot of girls, and from what I have heard he has tried to get into a couple girls pants and I just want to believe I am different, but from your perspective. Do you think he is just saying what I want to hear?

-P.W.

Dear P.W.,

I’ll just jump in here. Yes, he’s telling you what you want to hear. It’s hard for girls to fathom just how amazingly horny guys are at 15 years old and what they will do to get some action. The thought of girls and sex cross a guy’s mind at least once a minute, every minute of the day. Chances are that if another girl told him that she wanted to lose her virginity to him he would tell her the same thing he told you.

So do you or don’t you give it up? Ask yourself this, if you slept with him this weekend and next weekend he sleeps with (and you find out) another girl how will you feel? Will you look back in regret years later?

If he’s trying to get into other girls’ panties, he’ll probably be there soon enough, especially if word spreads that he slept with you. Once a guy gets that first sexual experience under his belt (no pun intended) his confidence grows and so will his opportunities for more sex.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

Well my European adventure has come to an end and it was amazing.

Fantastic food, sights, and people. I can’t wait for next year’s trip! However, it’s back to reality for now. I received a lot of emails while I was away and will try to catch up and offer as much dating advice as possible in the next couple of days.

Cheers,

The Date Guy

The Date Guy is heading to Europe!

I’m off to explore European culture for a bit.

But worry not, I’ll be back to dish out more advice for you ladies in a few weeks.

Cheers!

-Date Guy

Date Guy,

I was dating this guy off and on for about three months and then I found out I was pregnant. He took the news well and asked me to move in. I lived with him for about two months and just the other day we got into a huge fight and he dumped me. We have only fought about three times throughout our relationship but every time we do, he dumps me. Also, we fight via text message because he never will call or come home if we are fighting. I’m going threw a stressful time and am very upset. I believe he isn’t really ready for a committed relationship if he continues to dump me whenever we fight. He made me move out of his house so now I’m living with my parents and we aren’t talking. He is just so confusing and I’m so hurt. He acts, however, like he doesn’t care at all. He told he would be a good dad to baby and I know he will. I need him too though. Please help.

It sounds like your guy tried “to do the right thing” by having you move in, likely for the sake of your baby. Unfortunately his habit of breaking up with you when you fight is definitely a sign that he’s not ready for a true commitment. The good news here is that you’ve only been dating this guy for about six months it sounds like, so it’s not as if you’re married of have a long and deep history to overcome.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is that through this rough period you must do one thing first and that is to focus all of your energies into the human being that you will be bringing into this crazy world of ours. At this point your current relationship with your boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) needs to take a back seat as it is secondary in importance. I know you are probably thinking, “but he’s my baby’s father” and you’re right, but for him to be the best father possible it sounds like he’s going to need some space for a while. The last thing you want to do at this point is drive this guy away completely. Obviously he’s not that interested in the relationship between the two of you right now. You’re going to have to weather that storm. What you want to do is make sure that by the time you have your baby that this guy actually embraces the role of fatherhood.

When guys are stressed out (which having a baby will do to someone) the last thing they want is to deal with working on romantic relationships. You girls actually do the opposite and prefer to have a guy there through the rough times. Sometimes guys just want to be left alone in order to deal with the stress. Having to work out the issues with you may be even more stressful to him.

In summary, you ultimately want to make sure your child has a father in his life. You may not be able to have this guy as a husband, but you can do your best to make the relationship go as smoothly as possible. For now give him some space, focus your heart on your baby. And hopefully by the time you are ready to deliver, this guy will be by your side supporting the two of you.

Cheers,
The Date Guy