Dear Date Guy,

I really hope you can help resolve my suspicions. . .me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and we have decided to move in together everything has been going good he has not given me one reason to suspect he is cheating except until I found numerous text messages in his phone. . .I couldnt read them all because on his way to work he realized he left his phone and drove back home to get it; anywho the messages that I did read were sent by one of his female co-workers and ranged from “do you think im flirtatious”, “you need to come over while my baby is still asleep” and describing the sexual things she could do to him. when i confronted him he said it was nothing and that nothing happened, he has only been employed at his current job for about 1 and a half months, for some reason I dont believe that this is just a friendly, joking relationship as he makes it to be because when I asked to speak with the young lady he refused to give me her number because he said everyone at his job would know about it. . .but if its just a friendship why would all his co-workers know about it- - -very frustrated!

-Suspicious Girlfriend

Dear Suspicious Girlfriend,

First off, let me say your boyfriend is an amateur. Doesn’t he know that all communication from other females must be deleted immediately? This includes text messages, voicemails, photos, letters, and email communications. It’s simple guys, view it and delete it. Remember the saying “seeing is believing?” Well if she can’t see it (your evidence) than maybe she won’t believe it.

Oh wait, I’m supposed to be giving advice to girls, not guys. Ok, you say that since you have moved in with your boyfriend he hasn’t given you one reason to think he is cheating. If this is the case, why did you invade his privacy and check the text messages on his phone? Obviously he HAS done something before this to create some doubts in your mind, otherwise you wouldn’t have checked his phone.

So you want to know if this girl is “just a friend” as you boyfriend is claiming? I don’t know a whole lot of ladies that would send sexual text messages to a guy without some pre-existing flirting between the two. In the beginning of a relationship like this (especially when two people work together) there is a lot of subtle and innocent flirting, a feeling out period. But over time it will get more intense until you end up comfortable enough to talk about what you are going to do to one another in the sack. You don’t go directly from A to Z, there’s something happening there in the middle.

I’ve had a lot of female friends in my life, many of whom I wanted to sleep with. And with most of those relationship I received some level of flirtation from those girls (even the ones I didn’t end up in bed with). However, I have had a few very close female friends whom I’ve had absolutely zero romantic interest and from those girls I never received any flirtation. Why the difference? Because the girls that did flirt with me obviously picked up on a “vibe” and they knew that I was open to their advances. See what I’m getting at? If she had no interest in him romantically then she wouldn’t be flirting with him the way she is. And if he had no interest in her, she would likely pick up on that vibe and refrain from flirting with him. Sounds like neither one of these are the case right now and there is something that is encouraging the nasty text messages.

Maybe he has or maybe he hasn’t actually cheated on you, but that really isn’t the larger issue. There is a lack of trust on your part and a lack of respect on his part. At the end of the day, the relationship he has with this other girl is more than “just friends,” regardless of whether or not they have hooked up.

-The Date Guy

Today on the homepage of Yahoo! was an article called 6 Flirting Scenarios That Cross the Line written by Dr. Laura Berman. Since it was written by a female, I thought I’d take a look at it from a guy’s perspective and chime in. The following are the six scenarios that she considers crossing the line.

- Cyber-flirting
- Dirty dancing with people other than your partner
- Buying other girls/guys drinks
- Being too affectionate with members of the opposite sex
- Commenting on the attractiveness of other men/women to your spouse
- Flirting with the waiter/waitress/handyman, etc.

I agree that all of the behaviors can be disrespectful if done repeatedly, but some can also be outright innocent. That said, which of these are most likely to lead to actual infidelity by a man? From most likely to least likely: Excess affection with other women, dirty dancing, cyber-flirting, flirting with other women, and commenting on the attractiveness of other women.

Excessive affection is pretty obviously. If your guy is constantly hugging on other girls not only is it a lack of respect to you, but could mean that he is either currently cheating or could do so in the future. It’s a sign that he is extremely comfortable with that girl and that can slippery slope.

Dirty dancing is definitely inappropriate and falls pretty much in line with giving another woman too much affection.

Cyber-flirting can be a sticky one. This can be a sign that the guy likes the fantasy of being with another girl, but actually taking it to the next level and actually crossing the line shouldn’t be assumed.

Flirting with a waitress or saying another girl is attractive I think is the most harmless of the bunch. After all ladies, I’m sure you don’t hide your attraction to Brad Pitt from your man. One caveat I’ll make is that if he does flirt in front of you and at your expense it may not be the road to infidelity, but definitely take a closer look at your relationship.

Hi Date Guy,

Im a 37 year old female in a high powered job. I also have company that I just started. I was introduced to a mortgage broker 5 months ago by an older acquaintance. From the start I wanted to be just friends with him coz some things i didnt like: he was physically aggressive by our second date and this continued and it had the effect of turning me off - we havent slept together. Also he just didnt strike me as someone who really cared about me. He’s let slip that im a bit overweight and on another occasion said i was boring. He has been abrasive and impatient with me on occasion.

Now the housing market has bust and he’s looking for ways to make money, he has asked if there is anything he can do to help out my company. silly me, i had been prattling to him about it. Interspersed with that are comments about us having children and shared values, as well as comments about how im more accomplished than he is. The thing is I have a history of one bad relationship where i was taken advantage of and a history of child abuse. The last thing I need is another bad situation. I do like this guy and eventually told him about the abuse, but because of how he behaved before i told him i dont feel comfortable with him anymore. Now he wants to be involved with me financially. Im confused as to what to do next.

Thank you,
Fados

Dear Fados,

Even if you think the rest of my advice is crap, heed this: Do not, I repeat, do not get financially involved with this loser. I’ve had girls purposely leave behind items over at my place to insure that they could stay in touch with me after I slept with them. This would work in some regards as it would then take me a couple of weeks to completely phase them out. This would be doing the same thing, just with money. You get involved with this guy financially and it could take you years until he’s out of your life.

Everything you have written about this guy spell L.O.S.E.R. He’s aggressive, abrasive, impatient, you don’t feel like he cares about you, and he’s called you fat and boring. Yeah, yeah, I can hear you saying that deep down inside he’s a nice guy. Don’t defend him as his actions speak volumes about his true nature. He treats you like crap on a personal level, do you really think he’d respect a monetary relationship with you?

So the big question is how do you let this guy know that you aren’t going to extend your relationship? You need to use the same intelligence and ambition you have obviously used to become a successful business women and entrepreneur. Think of this purely as a business decision. Would you hire an employee who wasn’t a good fit for you company? Would you invest in a product that was not profitable? Of course not. You need to be strong and straightforward with this guy. Simply tell him that you have found it best to not mixed business with friendship. There you go, that kills two birds with one stone. That single statement lets him know that you don’t want to get involved with him financially AND that you are not interested in a romantic relationship. Don’t be surprised if he stops coming around once he knows that he won’t be getting any action or money from you.

Stand stong and think with your head, not your heart,

-Date Guy

Hey Date Guy,

So here’s the situation I’ve liked this guy for a while now, met him at a societies’ freshers recruiting event (we are both at University), got his number a few weeks later, invited him round for a dinner party shortly after that, slept with him a week later. Since we slept together, he’s taken me out to lunch a few times but nothing else has happened. I mean not even kissing/touching…which i can’t totally blame him for because i haven’t tried.

I have no idea what’s going on or what to do from here.

Would appreciate any advice you can offer me.

PS: He is quite shy and younger than I am. He is also not very well endowed as far as his manhood is concern,and I am aware that he is conscious of that

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

It sounds like you’ve taken the initiative since day one with this guy so it is no surprise that he’s not busting a move right now. If he really is that shy, I’m guessing either you made the first move when you two sex or that there was alcohol involved. If you are interested in this guy, you will probably have to initiate the kissing/touching one more time. He might not be 100% sure that you still like him, hence he is hessitant to make the first move for fear of rejection. Make the move one more time and unless he’s a total nerd, he should get the hint.

Now I would like to move on to the other part of your delema, the fact that this guy’s package is less than impressive. And as you mention, you know he’s self conscious of his short-comings. It sounds like you want to date him so it is somewhat likely you’ll find yourself in bed with him again. Long ago I read an advice column in Playboy (and yes, I do actually read the magazine for the articles as they are suprisingly intelligent.) where a girl was in a situation similar to yours. I felt pretty embarrased for the guy so the aricle kind of stuck in my mind. Anyway, I thought the advice made sense, therefore I’ll relay it to you as expressed by Playboy.

If he’s got a small one, the last thing he’ll want is for you to take a good hard look at it. In his mind, the more you see the more self conscious he’s going to be (especially if he’s not aroused). So, next time before you rip his clothes off turn out the lights so that when his ding dong is out, it’s smallness is a bit more hidden. Second, try laying off of the oral. If you’re down there, you’re getting to know his unit pretty well and again this only brings added attention to its size. You will not need to do this forever, but in the early goings as you two are just starting to get familar with one another it’s a good game plan. As you do it more often and get more comfortable, express to him that you like everything about him physically and that he really turns you on in bed. His guard should come down and his self confidence will go up.

Take care,

Date Guy

So this female friend of mine was confiding in me the other day (as she does at least once a week) about how she slapped this guy’s hand away as he tried to bust some moves. Her actions made me realize that I have some simple insider information to help you better deal with guys in your relationships.

First a little history. This girl (Let’s call her Lucy)  has been dating this guy for about a month ago. Lucy normally puts out on the first or second date depending on how much alcohol she drinks. Many guys have taken advantage of her moral flexibility as they have “hit it and quit it” as Tom Leykis would say. So now Sara has found a guy she really likes, a guy with a lot of long term potential. She doesn’t want him to bail on her like so many others have, so she is not giving up the goods so quickly this time.

A month into their dating she eventually finds her way into his bed after a long night of drinking. Lucy restrains herself and doesn’t have sex with him. In fact, she’s been telling him that she wants to take things slow and he’s been very understanding (see, he is a catch).

Fast forward to the morning and they are spooning. The guy reaches around to try to feel her up. Her response? She immediately slaps his hand away. Now all of this my seem innocent enough to you ladies, but from a guy’s perspective the hand slap is a huge, huge turn off. Here this guy is finally builds up the courage and goes in for some romance and you totally reject him by swatting his hand. What are you, his mother?

After that incident Lucy said the guy was a little quiet the rest of the morning. This worried her and this is why she was seeking my opinion. The ever familiar, “do you think he still likes me, he was acting weird” question was asked. Well, the reason the guy started acting weird is that you slapped his hand away!

It’s simple ladies, next time a guy is making an advance you don’t want or are uncomfortable with (and I’m talking about a guy you are dating, not some random guy at the bar), just gently grab his hand and tell him “let’s take it slow.” It may be your natural instinct or reflex to slap at him, but really you should refrain if you want to keep the guy around for a while. He won’t feel as rejected and will have more respect for you if you simple communicate in a nicer manner. Let me know how it works out for you girls.

-Date Guy